If you’ve had a miscarriage, you might be feeling sad. If you were not intending to get pregnant, you might feel a combination of relief and sadness. These feelings are very common.
Grieving a miscarriage can be especially hard because it’s often done privately. Likely not very many people knew you were pregnant. If you didn’t really want to be pregnant, or weren’t sure what to do about your pregnancy, this grief process can be even harder because you may be experiencing a variety of emotions.
You may feel relieved to not be pregnant. But sad that you’re no longer pregnant. You might also feel guilty – or like you are being punished. All of these feelings are normal but still challenging to work through.
It is rare for a doctor to be able to discover the cause of a miscarriage. Here are some things, which some women blame for their miscarriage, which are NOT proven to cause miscarriage:
- Emotional stress
- Birth control pills taken accidentally early in pregnancy
- Typical work environments and activities
- Reasonable amounts of exercise
- Sexual intercourse
Do not blame yourself. And do allow yourself to grieve the loss of your baby.
Here are a few things which you may find helpful:
- Naming your baby, even though you may not know his/her gender
- Talking with a friend, family member, pastor or counselor
- Make or purchase a momento of your baby such as an ornament, jewelry or word art.
- Journaling your thoughts and feelings. Writing can help us process and think through our emotions.
The grieving process can look different for everyone. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. You may move through these, skip stages or go back to some as you process and work toward a new normal. There is no “right” way to grieve.
Do not process your grief alone. Reach out to a trusted friend or counselor. Not sure who to talk to? Contact us and we can help.