Tag Archives: adoption

5 Things to Consider When Making a Pregnancy Decision

If you think you might be pregnant and you weren’t planning on it, your mind may be swirling with all kinds of thoughts.

“I can’t be pregnant. Not now.” “I was on birth control. How is this possible?” “How can I care for another child?” “What about finishing school?” “How will I tell my parents?” “I can’t afford a child right now.”

An unintended pregnancy can present many challenges. But you will want to take time to consider a number of things before making a decision about your pregnancy.
  1. Are you pregnant?
    • Are your symptoms or a home pregnancy test indicating that you are pregnant?
    • Before making any decision, get your pregnancy confirmed by a medical professional. An ultrasound can tell if the baby has a heartbeat and how far along you are.
  2. Consider your options.
    If you are pregnant, you have three options.

    • Abortion: Abortion is often seen as an option of necessity. It is not a choice that most women want to make but they feel that they don’t have other options. Learn more.
    • Adoption: Adoption can be a very difficult choice to make. However, making an adoption plan can be a good option for women who are not ready to parent and are also not comfortable choosing abortion. Find out more about adoption.
    • Parenting: Some women who initially consider abortion decide that they can parent their child after considering their feelings, values and fears as well as resources and support that are available. Find out how we can help. 
  3. Consider your thoughts, values and resources.
    • It can be helpful in sorting out your thoughts to make a list of your options and the benefits and risks of each option.
    • Think about what you value. Looking at your list, rate how important each benefit and risk is to you.
    • Think about and write down any resources and support you know about that may support each of your options. How might the important people in your life support you in your choice? What community resources are available to you?
      • If you feel you do not have enough support, discuss your options with a trusted person. Our nurses and patient advocates can help you with this. Text or call us.
      • Is anyone in your life pressuring you to make a certain decision? It will be best for you – and for the long term health of your relationships – if you can both respectfully communicate your thoughts and feelings.
    • You will want to consider whether you want not make this decision alone or share the decision.
      • Regardless of who you involve in the decision, it will be best if you can make it freely – without feeling pressured to make a certain choice.
      • We can offer a listening ear to the person or people you are involving in your decision.
      • The father of your baby may find it helpful to meet with our Fatherhood Specialist or a male client advocate. Text or call us to find out more.
    • If you feel pressure from others to make a specific choice, find someone to help you and the others involved. Our nurses and patient advocates are available to meet with you. We can help you navigate the challenges you are facing. Text or call us.Request an Appointment
  1. Learn all you can about each of your options.
    • Abortion: Do you know what abortion procedures are available to you? Do you understand the potential risks of abortion? You have the right to give fully informed consent and to assess risks and side effects.
    • Parenting: Do you know what risks are associated with continuing the pregnancy? What community resources are available for pregnant moms and moms with infants and other children? What are the responsibilities of the father of the baby?
    • Adoption: Do you understand the options available with making an adoption plan? There are now many options for adoption. An adoption can be open or closed. You may get together with your child regularly and send birthday cards and gifts or choose to live life separately. Find out more.
  2. Know your rights. 
    In the state of Wisconsin, you have the right to make this decision. No one else, including your parents or the father of the baby, can legally force you to have an abortion. The decision you make must be voluntary and non-coerced. If you are feeling pressured to get an abortion you don’t want, get help. Contact us or call the police.

As you attempt to cope with the complex emotions associated with an unintended pregnancy, it can become more difficult to think clearly about your options. Come in and talk about how you are feeling. We can help to answer some of the questions that are going around in your head. Text or call us today.

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I Can’t Be Pregnant

“I can’t be pregnant. Not right now.”

“I have plans. And I can’t afford a baby.”

Perhaps you or someone you know is having thoughts like these. You may wonder what to do next.

Should I have an abortion? Parent? Or maybe consider making an adoption plan? All of these sound like hard choices. Where do I go from here?

The nurses and patient advocates at First Care Clinic are here to help you sort through your options and create a plan to move forward. Come see us.

To find out more or to make an appointment, call or text us at 608-259-1605.

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Parenting, Abortion and What?

Adoption Options and 3 Myths You Should Know — 

Adoption is not for everyone. In fact, fewer than 2% of unmarried women facing an unintended pregnancy choose to make an adoption plan. Contrary to popular opinion, most women who make an adoption plan are in their mid to late 20s or older.

Adoption is never an easy choice. But then, neither is abortion. And parenting can be a difficult choice as well. Especially when life is challenging and resources are scarce.

When making a decision about a pregnancy, a woman has those three choices:

  • Adoption
  • Abortion
  • Parenting

We often talk about abortion and about parenting. Adoption can feel like the forgotten option.

It takes a lot of courage and strength to choose to make an adoption plan. Carrying a child for nine months and then placing him/her for adoption is hard. And there are considerations to be made regarding the father of the baby, who also has legal parental rights.

Fortunately, there are now many options for adoption. An adoption can be closed or open or semi-open. It can include correspondence, regular get togethers or no contact between the birth mom or dad and the child. Birth moms and dads may send birthday cards and gifts. They may communicate via email or Skype or meet in person. Or they may choose to live life separately and possibly reconnect down the road.

In a closed adoption, there is no contact or communication between the birth parents and the adoptive parents and child. Decades ago, nearly all adoptions were closed. But that has changed.

An open adoption involves contact, communication and/or information sharing. Biological and adoptive families share varying degrees of personal information. The type, directness and frequency of contact varies a lot. A semi-open adoption allows for interaction between the families. With a semi-open adoption, the interaction is usually facilitated by a third party such as an attorney or the adoption agency.

A study by the National Institutes of Health indicated that open adoptions “are more likely to result in positive relationships across birth and adoptive family members.”

Contact between adoptive and birth families is becoming more common across all types of adoption. Social media and new technologies are accelerating this interaction. More than 9 out of every 10 women who choose adoption request some form of contact with the adoptive parents.

There are many myths about adoption that are very pervasive in our society. Some of those are about the birth mother. If you’re pregnant, these myths could affect your decision or the thoughts of those around you.

Three myths about adoption and the facts you should know:

  1. Myth: The birth mother didn’t love her baby and is abandoning him or her.
    1. Fact: The truth is exactly the opposite. When a woman places her child for adoption, she is choosing what she believes is in the best interest of her child. Rather than “abandoning” an unloved child, she is recognizing her current situation. She wants a “better life” for her child than she can currently provide. It is a loving, brave and self-less choice.
    2. Fact: Further, 90 percent of adopted children ages 5 and older have positive feelings about their adoption. Most adopted children appreciate the selfless decision their birth parents made for them, and love them for it.
  2. Myth: Birth mothers will experience unresolved grief for the rest of their lives.
    1. Fact: Birth mothers are no more likely to suffer negative psychological consequences, such as depression, than are mothers who rear children as single parents.
    2. Fact: Birth mothers in the NIH study experienced less unresolved grief with open adoptions.
  3. Myth: Adopted children are not loved as much as biological children.
    1. Fact: An adopted child can be loved by both his/her adoptive parents and his birthmother or birth parents.
    2. Fact: Adoptive parents can love an adopted child as fully and selflessly as biological parents. They provide a loving, stable and nurturing environment. Many adoptive parents have longed for a child for a long time. Or they enjoy parenting so much that they want to grow their family through the miracle of adoption.
    3. Fact: Nearly 3 out of every 4 adopted children ages 0-5 are read to or sang to every day. Only half of non-adopted children receive this same attention from their parents.
    4. Fact: Most birth mothers welcome contact with their placed children. According to the NIH study, “80% of the birth mothers felt positively about being contacted. While 5% felt neutral, 15% felt ambivalent, and none felt negatively about a child-initiated search.”

If someone you know is facing an unintended pregnancy, she may or may not be considering adoption. If she talks about adoption, keep in mind the common myths and the facts about adoption. Be a supportive friend. And if she asks, share this information with her too.

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