Are you looking for “Mr. Right?”
Often we think that if we just find the right person, life will be great. But what if Mr. Right turns out not to be so “right” after all? Or what if he’s mostly looking for what he can get from you? And truth be told, you’re looking for what you can get from him too?
Men might be looking for sex. Women might be looking for companionship and intimacy. Maybe you’re looking for sex too. Or maybe sometimes you feel used and like you’re missing something.
Everyone wants healthy relationships, but sometimes we are not sure how to get there or what a healthy relationship looks like.
First, you need to be safe. If you’re in an unsafe relationship, get help. Call 9-1-1 in an emergency – or text us if you need help in figuring out where to go or how to get out.
Second, instead of focusing on looking for the right person, or holding on to him no matter what, focus on becoming the right person. Are you someone you would want to spend time with? Are you trustworthy? Work on communicating in a way that is loving and truthful.
Third, create healthy boundaries. You are valuable because you are a human being. Do not just go along with what someone else wants because you’re trying to hold onto the relationship. If you want to wait for sex, don’t go to his apartment at the end of a date.
Fourth, consider your values and goals. Don’t compromise your values and goals for a relationship.
In a healthy relationship, both people seek to be friends. They want to get to know each other and enjoy shared activities along the way. Physical involvement follows relational and emotional connectedness. Sex is treasured and reserved for a lifelong committed relationship.
Sometimes in a relationship, this ordering may get turned upside down. Early physical involvement may stunt the growth of emotional intimacy. Sex may substitute for learning more about each other’s personality, goals and character. When conflict or pain arises, it may be easier to turn to sex than to work through issues and grow together.
It does not have to be this way. You have the freedom to choose sex now or to save sex, beginning today, for the person who commits to love and cherish you for the rest of your life.